Who’s That Blogger?

The internet is such an amazing thing to me.  I can find the answer to any question I have just by searching the internet.  When I was a kid, if you wanted to find out all about volcanos you had to pull out the old Funk and Wagnalls (least appealing name for an encyclopedia ever btw) and look it up and if you didn’t happen to be the proud owner of  volume 35 (VESS-WHIT), you’d have to change your science project altogether.

The internet also grants me the opportunity to talk to people from around the world instantaneously…AROUND THE WORLD…seriously, back in the day, in order to talk to anyone outside my immediate neighbourhood I had to resort to sending threatening chain letters to strangers in the hope that they’d write something back.  Never happened.  Surprise, surprise.  There was also that one summer I was convinced the teenage mutant ninja turtles were eagerly awaiting my correspondence, so I dutifully wrote them little notes night after night and left them on the manhole cover in front of my house.  They never wrote back either.  Jerks.  And don’t even get me started on Santa Clause, that guy took weeks and weeks to write back and his letters were the same every damn year! But on the internet, I get to talk to people and they respond.  I get to read what bloggers have written and through their writing I am afforded snippets of their personalities.  Often times, I really want to know who these people are, what they do in life, what they think of what’s going on in the world.  Do we have anything in common? Are they faking their personality through their writing? Is it possible to do that?

I decided I wanted to interview a fellow blogger and I chose this guy.  I can’t quite remember how I came to follow Matt’s blog but I think I stumbled upon one of his posts and immediately liked his style and sense of humour.  After stalking researching him a bit I decided to ask him if he would be interested in doing a collaborative post and much to my surprise and delight, he agreed.  What follows is a result of a few weeks of e-mail conversations back and forth.  I hope you have as much fun getting to know your fellow blogger as I did!

1. Where do you get your sense of humour (that’s CANADIAN spelling)? Your mother? Father? Or some, as of yet, unidentified genetic mutation?

My parents were both funny, albeit in different ways. I grew up around a lot of laughter and neither of them really spoke down to me, so it wasn’t long until I was in on most of the jokes. I had a weird affinity for comedians as a child and remember watching Bill Cosby and Rodney Dangerfield habitually. When I was three, I was in a hotel bar telling jokes I’d heard to the waitresses and they thought I was cute enough to put on stage with a real microphone. I spent my time saying “I don’t get no respect” and adjusting my clip on tie to a half full room of drunk adults. There is something about storytelling that always really appealed to me too. I loved listening to old people talk as a kid. I also found that if you let them tell you a story, they would let you tell them one in turn. At first, most of mine were pretty boring because I was just a geeky little kid. I hadn’t been in any world wars, gone on any adventures or met any interesting people like they all had. But I didn’t want to tell boring stories so I started to punch them up with humor and it worked. Old people would come from all over to listen to my stories. This continued on and, by the time I was in high school, I was regaling my peers and even teachers with comical anecdotes on a daily basis. I even started doing the video announcements and writing funny articles for the school newspaper. I remember that my senior class had a category for funniest and a category for class-clown. I won funniest and one of my best friends won class-clown.  It was just nice sharing my thoughts, experiences and fantasies with people and learning that they enjoyed it. I never really intended to be funny, I just always sort of was and I think I have a lot of things to attribute that to.

2. Do you speak any other language besides “AMERICAN” ?

 I used to speak Spanish but I don’t anymore. Losing your grasp on a second language is really embarrassing because it occasionally still comes up. Every so often, I will be at a restaurant where the wait staff’s English was as bad as my Spanish and someone would volunteer me to communicate and then won’t take no for an answer. The resulting “conversation” is always a debacle. We would have been better off if we had attempted to communicate in a third language that we made up on the spot. I routinely wish that I had bothered do whatever maintenance was needed to keep myself closer to bi-lingual than I am now

3. I noticed from stalking you on Google that you are quite slim in your pictures, what’s your secret? I’ve heard a steady diet of ramen noodles and espresso helps.

You stalked me on online? Now I am left wondering what sort of strangeness you’ve likely come across. I don’t think there is any nudity but, then again, who can really say for sure? What did you gain from your research and do you feel differently about me?  You are right. I am still marginally svelte, but not quite so skinny as I used to be. I blame skipping meals, avoiding mindless eating and not being a fan of fatty foods. There was a long period in my life where I would routinely feel poorly and someone would have to remind me to eat. It came up enough times that it was actually included in a song (http://soundcloud.com/snake-pss/posky-a-tribute). Truth be told, I used to have a lot more bad habits than I do now. I smoked and would frequently go days without sleeping. I suppose that would make just about anyone skinny.

Of course I stalked you, I’m a little hurt you haven’t stalked me. I didn’t come across anything incriminating but I would respectfully avert my eyes if there was anything remotely suggestive…(I so wouldn’t). I gained nothing of consequence except that you’re not obese.

I actually did look you up but, outside of a few flattering photos of yourself, I couldn’t find anything new. There are also a surprisingly lot of Alison’s to sift through. It was frustrating.

Yeah I don’t have all that much out there besides my blog.  I do like to keep the serious stalkers at bay

Days without sleeping? How did you do it? I think I’m borderline narcoleptic… not really… but I nap like a boss.

The trick is to go into it well rested. If you get twelve hours of sleep one night, that first day without sleep is a breeze. After the first 36 hours of wakefulness, the sleepy feelings go away and begin to manifest themselves in weird body aches. I also noticed that my judgement and moral compass began to become severely impaired in the midst of day two. I wouldn’t recommend it unless you’re just in it for the experience or are forced into it because of a certain lifestyle.

4. How many birthdays have you celebrated? For all your young female readers out there who really want to know if they are at least half your age plus 7.

I really don’t put a whole lot of emphasis on age. People use that number to make a lot of incorrect assumptions about a person when there are a lot of better indicators. I have good friends in their very early twenties and well into their sixties. How old would you like me to be?

 How old do you want me to want you to be?

 As old as you think I should be. 

 Well, I’m going to assume you’re 15 because most males don’t mentally progress beyond that point

5. What’s your day job?

I work as a media analyst and do some news writing. I also do freelance work writing copy, general articles and creating content for people

6. Do brunettes have more fun? Or do you secretly wish you were blonde?

I wouldn’t care to be blonde. I have heard far too many women say that they would never date a blonde gentleman. It doesn’t appear to be long before I’m salt and pepper though. I’ve noticed a lot of gray coming in over the last few years. As an aside, I feel like more women should be okay with having gray hair. Then again, I might just have a thing for interesting looking women. Someone who is visually striking or moves interestingly is much more appealing to me than someone who is traditionally pretty but otherwise bland. I see brown hair everywhere but it’s the jet black, blonde, gray and (of course) red that always grab my attention. 

Weird, I’ve never heard a girl say she’d never date a blonde man, so much for hoping society wasn’t as superficial as they’d led me to believe.  I would most likely not date (I didn’t say never) a redheaded male just because it would seem kind of, well, kind of incestuous.  But if he had the right attributes and he was appealing I might just mosey on down that pseudoincestuous path.

7. What is your favorite word?

Absolutely. It’s a better way of saying yes because it feels differently. It takes away any doubt from a question and a lack of doubt is a pretty rare thing in this world. 

8. What is your least favorite word?

Any word that is used to group and identify people as a negative. The pejorative and even slurs exist for reason but there are a few single worlds that are treated as highly offensive and extra taboo. Nobody should give a word such power and allow it to offend them so much. I don’t really like when someone negatively throws around the term hipster as a catch all for and I really don’t like it when someone uses a word, like nigger, in a directly confrontational way. I don’t like how much it upsets people, how much power it has and how that all reflects back upon our society. 

9. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Anything genuine. I like when something feels like it comes from a real place. In art that might just mean a signature style that the artist is really drawn to. In Detroit (and Michigan in general), I loved how beat up and forgotten everything was. It made a lot of us really feel for the spaces and want to take a weird pride in the city. I think that shapes a person and what they create. As far as spirituality goes, that is up to the individual. However, if a person is atheist, catholic or pagan I can probably get behind them so long as they’ve shown me that their choice is a genuine one. 

10. What turns you off?

Someone faking it. That person who doesn’t really have anything to share but wants to be known for being creative, spiritual or genuine. I feel bad for those people because not everyone can see that they are just playing at whatever they are doing. They might even be very successful but will have lived a weird sort of mockery of their own life. Have you seen someone pretend to be sad because they thought that they were supposed to be in a given situation? I have and it might be one of the creepiest concepts I can even imagine. 

11. What is your favorite curse word?

Like any word used to spice language, they are all pretty great. I probably get the most mileage out of fuck though. It’s the most versatile. 

12. What sound or noise do you love?

I like white noise. Traffic the distance, furnace turning on, or wind rustling the leaves are all calming sorts of sounds. They can make a loud place seem a lot quieter than it is and have always sort of made me feel safe and helped me get to sleep. They might not be my favorite sounds but they are ones that sort of overcome me with an unusually content feeling. I may really like the sound of a motorcycle engine at idle but I love the sound of the heater kicking on a freezing cold day. 

13. What sound or noise do you hate?

Car horns. They are a useful tool that people abuse all the time. For every single occasion where a person uses a horn to warn another vehicle or pedestrian of their presence, ten other people have used it to announce that they were idiots. Anytime people are backed up in traffic and someone honks, someone else honks. It’s like when one dog in a room starts barking most of the others will follow suit. It’s unintelligent and nervous behavior. I’ve seen people do it in neighborhoods, just blasting away while everyone waits for a red light and then also honking when the light turns green, it makes no sense. It’s inconsiderate and largely ineffective. 

14. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

I always wanted to be a race car driver, astronaut or talk show host. I would still take a shot at any of those. 

15. What profession would you not like to do?

Anything that required me to sit down all day. Don’t mind working in an office but I do notice that a lot of those jobs can feel like prison. Poor lighting, no exercise, repetitive mental activity, no tangible results for months at a time and a lot of those places don’t encourage discussion or creativity. Being active, mobile and social really improves how a person’s day is going. I dont’ think anyone should be stuck indoors without feeling in control of their shared space and personal actions. 

16. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

I’d like him to ask for a duel.